The Truth About My Life

I started this blog a year ago when my life was on a fast track to a reality that I was outwardly living and inwardly tormented by. As far a work, I felt that I shouldn't have a public posting of my failures, confusion, distress and insecurities about whether or not I would make it as an entrepreneur. I now realize I don't care. I'm not in the market of fooling people into thinking that I know more than I do. I'm honest, and you know what owning a business is scary. In the past year I have had some HUGE accomplishments: A merchandising event for Jordache Enterprises and K-Mart Corporate buyers, monthly events for a Local Women's Networking Organization, numerous contract events and Collateral Creation for some of Chicago's Leading Law firms, two BEAUTIFUL Weddings at Navy Pier Crystal Gardens and a fun little Celebrity Stint including Jeremy Piven. As a single little lady I've been able to create something out of nothing. During some of my darkest moment's I've very quickly achieved successes in my career that I never dreamed would happen.

Yet most people in my life know this last year has not been all roses. For those few moments of success there have been hours of agony. In this past year a major relationship in my life fell apart. Though the sadness and confusion surrounding this breakdown is behind me there are remnants that will mold me forever. I have been called naive as I want to believe the best about the situation, yet the truth is the world is full of people who will give you experiences. Some may be wonderful while some are crippling and destructive. In the end it is how we handle them that will influence our lives as well as set an example for others.

At the fall of this false empire that had been built around me I realized that not only is starting a business hard but so is being an adult. Maybe everyone feels this way, but I still remember so vividly being 17 going to high school football games, or being 19 walking the hill to class and napping at 11:30am. The thought of mortgage payments, health insurance premiums and home security systems still seem like the reality of an adult that couldn't possibly be the youthful soul inside me.

Finally I realize it is. I have encountered my first real storm, and the weight of the war now wears on my face. Though the cuts are deep the wounds have healed. Business goes on. Life continues and happiness comes in the smiles of friends, satisfaction of clients and the compassionate love of family. As a business owner I'm not sure if the success will last, if I want to continue to put in 19hr days to make it work, or if the uncertainty will overwhelm me. But as an adult I know I will weather the greatest of storms as they come with courage and faith.

So here's to a rebirth. Of me, of this blog and to an understanding of truth. Truth is I don't know everything, and I'm not afraid to say it. I will make mistakes, life will throw unexpected curve balls and in the end I will be OK.

Now Warren, if you will just show me how to make all those darn monies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Small Victiories

I've decided I need to celebrate these to keep me motivated. I'm so used to a world of % of quota met and forecasted revenue $$ that now when all I get after months of work is one client I just feel like that isn't enough! One well that's great but where are the other 50 I'm used to balancing.

It's a different type of beast you wrestle when starting your own business. Today is the battle with whither or not I turn off the email notification, yesterday was getting the fax machine working and tomorrow I'm sure it will be, do I wear my hair curly or straight to a business owners networking event. (Curly implies unruly and wild while straight exudes sophistication and elegance)- Or so I tell myself since I hate my curly hair.

These small details that seem like nonsense are actually things that take up time in my day and I HATE IT. I want to negotiate deals, plan huge events, help people solve problems...But I have to start somewhere. So today I guess that place is researching Linked IN groups and emailing past clients.

Once client is great news. So is having a working fax AND meeting 10 new people who could be potential business relationships. I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and doggonet people like me.

Sorry WB but I saw a picture of Bill and Melinda Gates in People as I was stair stepping at the gym and I thought to myself, He's 53 and I'm 26. Plenty of time Mollie. Plenty of time.

Nice Save

Today I arose to an interesting problem. My V-fax was not working. (email faxing program) So rather than stay on the phone for hours I decided to email Vonage customer service. They surprisingly did respond in a timely manner (last time I tried emailing they never responded).
Nonetheless even though they responded it wasn’t too helpful. It was basically a mass email that did not really address my problem whatsoever.

So braced myself for the automated answering machine and called into the 800 number. After I gave my account #, favorite food, last 5 addresses and middle name of my second cousin I was finally put through to a person. When I asked her about the problems with my V-Fax she told me that was because they had canceled the program. DUH... WHAAAAaaaaaaaaT!!!!!!!!!

How can you cancel a service and not let someone know? Her response was that V-Fax was only a "test market" and with so many competitors in the game they decided not to pursue that line of services.

Translation: We kept screwing up people's faxes and we don't know how to fix it so we stopped trying.

Although she did tell me not to worry my fax # will still work with a traditional fax machine. Well that's good cause I would assume the least it should do is work with an actual machine since it is supposed to be a fax#?!??!

Here's where the nice job comes in. She was shockingly understanding and apologetic. (Not the case when calling into customer service at most companies.) She then credited me the 5 months of service so that I would have $$ to go buy a fax machine.

I must say I was impressed. It's been awhile since I've seen a company take that much responsibility. Then came the clincher, she asked what time next week she should call me to get the fax connected.

It's really a small thing, to give me back $65.00, talk in a soothing voice and offer to help. That is what a customer service person is for right? Too bad most of them have no idea that this is their job.

What to do when you don't know what to do?????

That's not really a title. It's an actual question. What do I do when I don't know what to do? I mean I'm done. My checklist of activities is complete. Good, right? Not really since it's 10:29 am on Thursday. That means I have another 1.75 days worth of activity to razzel up. That's only if I abide by traditional M-F 9-5 rules.

Normally I get energized by crossing items of my daily lists. Now I actually dread project completion because then I have to think up another project. This is quite disheartening! It's as if the entire structure of my task/completion/self fulfillment system is failing. This anxiety has now plagued me with the fear that my entire life's basis of productivity is flawed.

OK maybe that's a bit dramatic BUT I've already racked my brain of ways to gain exposure, groups to join, potential clients to call, possible blogs to post...I can only read so many articles on social media, books about going from Good To Great or Making It Stick... So now I'm back to blank. That's right blank. My mind is blank. I can't even come up with another way to say blank.

When will my next flash of genius come? So far my 3rd cup morning of coffee is not jump starting any brain activity. How do I constantly keep active? I know that busy work is bad but profitable work is good.

WB: How did you know what to do to keep yourself busy? How did you know what activities would be beneficial? Were you ever blank?

So Many Options!!!

It used to be you woke up, read the paper with your morning coffee maybe watched a little AM news then off to work you go equipped with the appropriate amount of information to make you aware of the world. (I mean I never did this but I'm pretty sure my Dad did...)

Nowadays it just isn't so. Morning paper? Only if I pick up the reader on my way to the El. News of today is online and if you want to know; Who accosted who at the MTV Music awards, How to renovate your office for under $500.00; or Why Michael Jordan's hall of Fame speech was controversial then you'll surely find that in minutes. BUT if you want to know what's going on in the real world you have to dig further.

And boy do I mean DIG! How many news sources can there be? I'm totally lost in information overload. There are so many different sources, online newspapers, business journals, e-newsletters, of course all the industry publications, or the publications of industries that your clients are in, updates of discussion boards on Linked in, twitter... then there are the ones that tell you what's going on in the city, new spots to check out, events OMG!!!!!!!

I spend the first hour of my day combing through all these thing, then I look at the clock and freak out that I've been browsing the Internet when I should have been finding a person to give me money!!! To make matters worse, these people have the audacity to add new information the next day forcing me to participate again in this chastising morning ritual I've developed.

Not only is this confusing, overwhelming, a bit rude (most of these emails come between the hours of 3:34am- 5:47am) but it's also extremely necessary. If I didn't check all the different sources I'm sure I'd just walk into the next networking event and say something extremely stupid like "Oh really I had no idea there was going to be a 2010 world expo???" Great event planner I would be!

So Big W: Which ones do I read? Which ones do you read? And more importantly is there a Blackberry function that automatically turns off my email notification for the hours of 2-6am daily?

Sick Days

Do I get them? Is it fair to take one, especially after a long weekend of no work activity?

When I work up yesterday morning my head was stuffed with so much pressure I felt it would spontaneously combust. Today was much the same. My dizzy swollen head makes me think President Obama made a speech today in Afghanistan about Health Care; Ron Blagojevich is now proclaiming socialism and school children outside Dallas are learning the top 5 fat busting gimmicks. I may have my headlines confused....

With my acute sense of discernment at the top of its game today I feel completely prepared to make all sorts of important decisions. Today is a great day for meeting with clients, calling new prospects and researching potential revenue sources right???

Probably not since every 15 min I check the clock and wonder at what point is it acceptable to take a nap. More importantly at what point is it acceptable to stop working and lay on the couch, have chicken soup and drift in and out of consciousness to some terrible lifetime movie? How many days of "Closed for repairs" is OK? Remember if I'm not working, NOTHING is happening.

WB Question: How far do I push it? Do I sleep? Take it easy? Forgo 2-3 days of work which could put me weeks behind? OR do I trudge along with droopy eyes, voice of Darth Vader and common sense of a chimpanzee hoping I don't screw anything up too bad and eventually I'll feel better?


I may sleep on this one for an hr...

Direct bill pay...directly impacting my blood pressure.

Just like many others when the notion of direct bill pay was invented I thought, GREAT! Now I don't have to remember to pay all my bills on time. (I have a severe delinquency problem when it comes to repetitive activities. The usual... showing, brushing my teeth, feeding the dog.)

So here I was delighted that I would not ruin my credit by forgetting to pay my mortgage on the 1st, association on the 3rd, cc#1 on the 4th, student loans on the 10th & 11th, cc#2 on the 17th, computer bill on the 29th, plus some where in there falls, cable, gas, cell phone, insurance, car payment.... I would be paying bills every other day FOREVER if it wasn't for automatic payments.

All is well and good with these as long as you keep on top of them! Making sure they are charging you the correct amount by checking your bill. (Something I rarely do.) I was once overcharged by a certain cell phone carrier $900!! Do you get the cash back?? NO! Of Course they wouldn't do that! But I surely was credited for the next 7 months...

My frustration today is stopping the auto payments. Now that I'm married and consolidating bank accounts I'm having the hardest time trying to close them all. After years of auto pay and a not so great (or existent) filing system I don't remember what password goes to what. I was just told that my account did not exist by one creditor. OH REALLY well then why have you been taking $159.96 out of my bank account for the last FIVE YEARS!!!

The verdict is still out but, I will continue to wait on this phone listing to champagne supernova musack until they find my auto pay and cancel it.

1 hr 42 min 36 seconds and counting...